can't read my mind, i'm undefined.

most emotional competition ever? well vibe was everything i wanted it to be. i'm content. really i am. it's weird crying cause you're so happy. doesn't happen often is what i'm trying to say haha. but it felt very..warm haha. if that's even a feeling, aww dc love. anyway on that note, it feels good to be able to just chill and get some school work done. i am way behind, i must catch up. i'm going to keep telling myself this so i can be pressured to do so. it sucks having to go back and do all the work that i should've done weeks ago. i don't do well with pressure.. some things have been waying on my heart. i want to fix them. i'm going to think of ways to do so. not because i feel that i owe it to anyone, but because i personally want to. yup that's what i'm going to do haha. new goals. i think it's perfectly normal for the opposite sex to be friends. no agendas. but at times it starts to get weird and you're left thinking uhm what happened to being buds. yeah, uh i don't play that. moral of the story is to be careful of "friends" haha..watevers, it's chill though, i just find it funny and wee bit weird. i watched the breakup today and i see alot of myself in vince vauhgn's character. weird. and it's not good thing either. i've said the word weird alot in this entry haha. well time to be a nerd!

uhm wait. what..?

i never knew you could do titles on entries haha. coool. i am a nerd hahah. damn it's already wednesday? as of lately i wake up not knowing what's really going on haha. that's honestly how i feel. i get surprised when people tell me that i've done something wrong, get mad, tell me that i was supposed to be somewhere doing something or what not. knowing me, i'm smart enough to not plan things ahead of time, especially right now when i have no time. things just happen, and i go with the flow. i don't have time to plan out shit right now. whatever happens will happen. i wish you'd see that.. comfort levels grow with the amount of time you spend with another. i've never felt the need to be dependent on anyone, i can handle my own. at times i even prefer being on my own, cause then i don't have to worry about making someone else happy. it's actually kinda nice. of course being with people you connect with is just as essential as your own time. if not i'd just be a hermit haha. but getting back to the story, spending alot of time with others create a comfort level that just makes you feel ...good. safe. makes me want to make them happy, cause they make me happy. i duno how to explain it, it's just when you're with them alot, it becomes normal to see em often, and it's weird to not be with them. damn, why am i such a girl.

when you give up something that you value for someone else, i would think it'd be appreciated. every person should learn to give up things for someone else. even if they want it real bad. let others get theirs, you know. i'm no saint when it comes to these things but when i put myself out for others i would expect others to do the same. oh well i guess that's a big fat no on that one haha... i hate it when you work for something really hard, then you get the reward rightfully so, only to have it taken from you in the end. waste. on a happier note. I Love, Love hearing good advice. it gets my head straight when i hear something that i can take to my heart. i'm thankful i still have people around me to tell me things i need to hear. that really care for my well being. *sigh of relief* haha

can i add some extra hours to my day. ..i ..am ..unbelievably..drained...

wow i am actually up for work early. thank the lord! i still can't get over how much i enjoy dove shampoo. get's me everytime. im still sick but all in all i feel pretty damn good. it's already friday. i need to visit home tomorrow and see the fams cause i can't remember the last time i went home. i miss em dearly. then i'll come back and die next week. vibe is in a week. exciting haha. as excited as i am, i'm also really looking forward to getting some rest and play after, cause i feel that i'm sacraficing alot for dc this month. school. work. relationships. it better be worth it.. haha i know it'll be. it's already winter quarter. where does the time go? the other day i applied to graduate. it's SO weird to even foresee it happening..weiird. i saw old freshman friends last night and it reminded me how fast time passes by. and if you don't take time to look around you'll miss it. ferris buller is a good movie. people don't change much, they just kind of come to their senses about themselves haha. i think i've done that. i like being independent but i'm still a girl. i got needs haha. i've realized i'm too passive about things. i find it hard to tell it like is and be real in situations that i'm involved in. i can be completely blunt when it's someone elses' situation but not when i'm involved. maybe because i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or i'm just scared the truth might hurt me. psb courses come in handy in these analogies. on a side note, i find it annoying when guys think it's cute to spit lines at girls. just be yo damn self. that's the winning ticket son.. and now i'm late for work. UH =)

my throat is slowly closing. i am losing my voice. denny's breakfast after practice is bomb. it's heaven week 2. i'm drained but cannot wait for the 28th. ima simplify my life and stop making effort on a lost cause. time keeps moving so let's make the most of it. btw gingerale's the best soda in the world. bring my canada dry gingerale and you're a friend forever =) well ima go die on my bed now.

i'm tired physically and mentally. looking ahead this month gets me a little antsy and nervous. damn it's gona be a long month... i find relationships hard to maintain. maybe it's just me. but i'm not the type of person to wait around for things to happen. but then again i'm not one to make the extra effort either. i say, if you're both not growing then it aint going no where. whether it's bad timing or what not. i guess i'm impatient. but for one thing, i'm always ready to venture into something new. i don't think it's healthy to dwell. you miss out on too much when you dwell. sometimes i think it'd be nice to just have someone by your side whenever you need em. with no question just there. someone who enjoys your company so much that just spending time is enough, and nothing else. even if it's an inconvenience or out of the way. i think once you've had that, it's hard to accept anything less. basically i guess i don't have anything like that right now. when will i? hm who knows. but it has to be that i'm so into someone that it seriously takes over me. and vice versa. where we don't even leave our homes.. hahaha. yeah i'm a fucking princess.